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May. 7th, 2025 01:49 pm
revolvings: made by: tainted stuff : do not take (Default)
[personal profile] revolvings

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Date: 2023-05-18 03:15 pm (UTC)
cosmiccowboy: (sad)
From: [personal profile] cosmiccowboy
[The thing is, Michael did need him. He needed Max more than he's ever needed anyone or anything in his life. There is no him without Max. He's just not great at asking for what he needs. Spending so much time alone, growing up learning the hard way that you can't count on anyone, you get really good at being alone or at least really good at suffering alone as someone recently pointed out to him. Trying to unlearn that after years of conditioning takes time, his progress hasn't been linear if it ever is for anyone but he wants to be better. No one has ever made him want to push himself out of his self-destructive comfort zone so much before.

When Max pulls him in and kisses him instead of pulling away, it's like a knot loosens in his chest and he can breathe again. He immediately wraps his arms around him, holding him tightly and swallowing past the lump in his throat as Max stakes his claim. A claim wasn't necessary. Michael knows who he belongs to. There is and could never be anyone else, but still, he understands the emotion behind it and sighs softly, tilting his head slightly to let Max know he's for the taking. Anything, everything, whatever he needs.]


You really need to stop apologizing for how you feel when I fuck up. [Hearing Max apologize, hearing him voice the way Michael made him feel cuts like a knife to the heart. He never wants to make him feel like that again. He loosens his grip, sliding his hands around to cup his lover's face, gently pulling him up to look into his eyes.]

Max, I'm so fucking sorry. I know those are just words and I'll prove it to you. I promise. I know you would have helped me. I didn't know I was going to do it when I left here. I had every intention of coming back last night but something just...clicked and I had to do it. I couldn't wait anymore. I wanted to show you that I'm completely yours. I'm here, you're my home. There is no where else for me. I'm not keeping any contingency plans. I even packed up the shit in my workshop. I'm going to rig something together out back this weekend. [There is so much he needs to say, so much he needs to apologize for. Usually he was a man of action. Expressing everything he feels, everything going on inside has never come easy to him but Max deserves to hear it.]

I'm so so fucking sorry I hurt you. Don't for a second think I don't need you. I'm nothing without you. If anything, when I'm feeling like that I need you more than ever. I should have told you how I was feeling. I should have told you what I needed. [His thumb caresses Max's cheek, and over the stubble lined jaw beneath his hands, desperate brown eyes searching Max's sad, tired ones.]

I had this idea that this would be some kind of grand gesture to show you...I don't know. It all sounds so stupid now that I say it outloud. I thought it would show you how serious I am about this. That I'm one hundred percent committed to you, to us and our future in every possible way. I'm so fucking stupid. [The ends of his lips curve up in a small, rueful smile that doesn't meet his eyes.]

You're not a mess. Compared to me? You're a fucking work of art. The Sistine fucking Chapel. You have every right to be hurt and angry and to feel all the messy feelings. I wouldn't want you to be any different. Trust me, if the tables were turned and it was you that was gone almost twenty-four hours, dealing with shit without me and shutting me out...I don't even want to think about how I would react. Fuck. I'm so sorry, Max.

Date: 2023-05-18 08:15 pm (UTC)
cosmiccowboy: (teary again)
From: [personal profile] cosmiccowboy
[This was the healthiest relationship Michael has ever had and he's already made so many changes for the better. Max was pushing him to grow, to better himself. Maybe healthy for him looked different than it did for other people. All he knows is what feels right and what feels right is Max.

Max's nature be damned. It makes Michael feel wanted and loved and needed. It's his North Star when he's feeling lost.

They come together so perfectly, fit like they were meant to be together this way, like the broken pieces of the console fusing together at contact as if they had never been broken at all.]


I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it and you can sigh all you want. You didn't mess up. Not this time. If you want a list of ways you've messed up throughout our lives I'll give that to you if it will make you feel better but needing me the way you do is not one of them. It never will be. God Max, that's what pulls me back from the ledge. I've spent most of my life feeling unwanted, like I was alone and no one needed me, not my parents or the Evans's or the shitty fucking homes I was placed in, not Alex or Maria or anyone. You are the only person to make me feel like I belong somewhere. Besides, I'm needy as fuck. You're just so good to me I haven't had to embarrass myself yet but you don't know half the shit that goes on in this terrifying brain. [He chuckles softly, feeling himself relax a little more.]

I don't know. I don't mind staying here. There are a lot of memories. Like when I almost bled out on your floor and you had to save me, or when you were in a coma and I poured my heart out to you after building you an alien pacemaker, or when I gave you a blowjob in the kitchen, or you made love to me by the fire. Eventually we can figure out what's next and pick out a place together and make new memories.

[Before Max can pull away from the kiss, Michael captures his bottom lip and pulls him back in, lingering a moment in this perfect space.

What Max says next surprises him but maybe he shouldn't be surprised. Max is a fixer but he doesn't realize he has already fixed everything. Michael is whole because of him. He's terrified to ruin the fragile moment but Max wants to be let in, for Michael to be open and vulnerable and he's not going backwards now.]


Max...I want to marry you more than anything. I want to make you my husband and I'm going to. I just don't want you to do this because I let my insecurities get the best of me for a night. I know you're not going to run out. Every part of my being knows that. I had one bad night. It was important that the date be the same date as the ritual. That's what you wanted. Not the date I came crawling home after being a complete selfish idiot. [His voice is gentle, hands sliding to Max's waist to keep him close, fingers grasping his hips tight, verging on desperate.]

I don't want you to worry I'm going to run out. I'm not going anywhere. The next time I feel insecure or something is bothering me I promise I will talk to you even if it's the middle of the night. But I don't want you to commemorate this date because you think I'm scared you're gonna leave at the finish line.

cosmiccowboy: (malex kiss 3)
From: [personal profile] cosmiccowboy
[By now, the linking, Max joining them together body and soul should be a familiar feeling but it still makes his breath hitch and his heart pound like the first time. He's glad Max did it. He didn't even know he needed it until the heat of Max's touch was seeping into every part of him, warming him from the inside and chasing away the cold fear and anxiety that crept in and made a home inside of him when they were apart.

God, he wishes he could do the same to Max. He wanted to show him so many things. Maybe there was still a chance they hadn't tapped into all of their abilities yet, just maybe. For now, he focuses on the way their mouths slot together, the sweet slide of lips and tongue that pulls tiny, needy noises from him as their separation seems to hit him at the same time as Max's emotions come flooding in in sharp relief. Placing a hand over Max's on his chest, he holds it there and concentrates on letting his own emotions flow through. He wants Max to feel everything; the pain he felt at leaving last night, the fear of fucking this up, the sheer relief that they are together and okay and mostly the overwhelming and heart wrenching love Michael feels for him. If nothing else, he needs Max to know that.

By the time they come up for air, he's panting but there's a smile turning up the corners of his lips but he still holds Max's hand on his chest, not ready to let him go.]


You are never getting rid of me, Max Evans. I would find you in every life and marry you on this planet and the next. And I promise, I will never pull that shit again. Ever. I don't need to hide; not from you.

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