○ Max & Jamie 12/11/24 Missed texts, Jamie and Max talking about how much they love one another. continued here where Max marks Jamie, and they make love the first time marked. Super intense.
[Spring semester hits, and suddenly Jamie has a million things to do, and it feels like he barely has time to breathe, let alone relax. The only reason he manages to see Max at all is because they share the apartment, and as grateful as he is for that, it still doesn't feel like enough. He's almost always asleep when Max gets in from work, or dragging himself in from a closing shift and falling asleep almost immediately. Even the couple of times their nights off align in those first few weeks, the best he can do is spare an hour before he has to get back to work, or curling up next to Max on the couch while he studies.
It will settle eventually -- it always settles eventually. It's just taking a while this time.
Finally, finally, the stars align on a weekday night to give him the next day off. No work; first class cancelled; second class doing something he understands enough that he feels like he can afford to skip it. Max is supposed to work both nights, and that's a bummer, but at least Jamie will be home for the day instead of dragging himself back in with barely any time before Max has to leave. It'll give them a little time, at least.
The fact that Max is working is the main reason Jamie agrees to going out for the night. Talking his friends into going to the bar where his boyfriend works seems like a great idea when it comes to him. He can at least see Max, he can blow off some steam, and he can get some time out with his friends, all at once. So he doesn't even bother asking first, just turns up with a little knot of people he knows from dance classes, flirting more and more shamelessly across the bar as he drinks steadily through the night. He doesn't consider the fact that he also tends to get touchier with his friends the more he drinks. It's never intended as anything but friendly, but the drunker he gets, the more playful touches and nudges turn into an arm around people's shoulders, dragging them into hugs or leaning lazily on them. Or pulling people out to dance. There's a lot of that; mostly it's upbeat, though, especially early in the night, fast and silly and not all that intimate.
He's still not really thinking about it when one of the guys pulls him out onto the floor for something slower. For all that dancing means to him in general, it has nothing to do with romance or sex. Getting close is part of the process sometimes, but it's not Max, so it doesn't mean anything. He's only barely aware of just how much his friend's hands are all over him anyway, hazy from the drinks and the feeling of finally relaxing after the last couple weeks on the go. It's too familiar to think twice about; he's used to being touched a lot when he's in this kind of mood, and not so used to having to worry about how anyone else feels about it.]
[It's difficult when the spring semester starts up. Max and Jamie met when school was in full swing, but they sort of made it work. They did all they could to be near one another and to find the time they needed to spend in one another's arms in the beginning. Now, things are absolutely insane, and with both of them working, Max feels like something is going to break soon. He hates that the only time he gets with Jamie is at night when the house is quiet, and he can run his fingers along Jamie's body in the dark of their bedroom
There are plenty of times Max forgoes sleeping so he can lay there and watch over Jamie. All he needs is that time to ground himself and to spend with the love of his life. If he didn't have it and didn't know that Jamie really loved him, it would be difficult for Max to function. Being this in love drains him; the energy he relies on takes a beating somehow when there's no time for Max and Jamie to be one with each other-- or renew the mark they share.
If Max had known that Jamie had the night off from school, he would have taken it off so they could have spent it together. To say that he was surprised was an understatement. He was surprised, hurt, upset and angry. His temper starts when he watches Jamie come into the club with a group of friends. Max throws a towel over his shoulder at the sink and that escalates into him breaking an empty beer bottle without actually throwing it. Luckily, there's no one around to see that it moved with his mind and not his hands. Swinging into the back, Max downs an entire bottle of nail polish remover to try and dull the pain in his body, the ache of not being near Jamie, and the sharp pain tugging at his emotions while he watches Jamie play and have fun without him.
Every time Jamie comes to the bar, Max forces a smile. This could have been their night. They could have renewed their bond; instead, Jamie has no idea how angry and jealous Max already is. He huffs out a breath of power, and one of the lights in the back of the bar snaps. Max hollars at one of the other bartenders about something and returns to fix it. It keeps him from seeing how Jamie's hands move over another man's back or how he laughs a little too freely at a joke.
There's a pain that slices through Max. He knew that this relationship was too good to be true. Jamie was far too good to be true. Looking at him on the dance floor or drinking with his friends makes Max wonder what he doesn't have or why Jamie wanted to move in with him. Why did Jamie promise so much? Max manages to keep it together, however, until Jamie is pulled to the dance floor for a slow dance, and the male out there begins to slide his fingers along Jamie's back and then down, down, down to his ass. Lights begin to flicker and Max tells his boss he's done for the night.
No. No. That's not how it's supposed to be. That is not what they promised. Max knows it's not and he's determined to fight for what is his.
Slamming out to the dance floor, Max stands at the edge of it and yells. "Jamie. Jamie, can you even hear me? What the fuck? Do you want him? Is that it? Then take him off this floor and go fuck him somewhere else." The lights suddenly go out in a sharp crack, and Max moves to the floor, still able to see Jamie from the crack of lightning that starts through the sky. He grips Jamie. "Tell me, lover. Why did you even come here tonight? Did you come here to throw this in my face that you have all this, all these friends, and that I don't mean anything anymore? Is that why you came? Fuck this. You are mine. Do you not remember that? Mine. Jamie. MINE. Your wore my mark, and loved it. You let me fuck you and loved it. Tonight I will remind you of all that"
His words reverberate around the bar, and before Max realizes it, he's got Jamie by the hands and is yanking him away from the dance floor toward a wall in the bar and slamming him against it. Max's fingers make sure Jamie's head doesn't hit hard, but it doesn't stop his mouth from biting into a fracturing kiss, hard and punishing. It cuts Max's lip and Jamie's with how hard it is. Copper quickly pours into the space between their lips and gums. "Mine.." He growls out again. "Say it. I want to hear the words, Jamie."
Hearing his name in Max's voice would've been enough to drag Jamie's attention away from anything else. Hearing it in that tone just amplifies the effect, a spark of nerves shooting down his spine -- he's still not entirely clear-headed, but his head snaps up immediately, searching the crowd, taking a stumbling step in Max's direction. The more Max says, the more confused he looks, hurt by the accusations in a way he wouldn't be showing so openly if he wasn't so impaired at the moment.
"Baby, baby, what--" It's quiet, mumbled as Max reaches out to grab him. There's chaos when the lights go dark, but Jamie's barely paying attention, his hands out, placating, trying to piece everything together.
He doesn't make any attempt to fight Max's hold, even when his back hits the wall hard enough to cause an involuntary noise or when he tastes blood. He just slumps down slightly against the wall so that he's not standing taller than Max, an instinctive attempt to pacify him, to make it clear he's not trying to be a threat.
"Yours," he answers quickly, breathlessly. There's a bright thread of fear thrumming through him, making it hard to catch his breath; not of Max, but of the things he's saying, of the fact that he managed to set this off. "Of course I'm all yours. I don't want anybody else, please, Max. I'm sorry, I didn't know--" He breaks off because he doesn't actually know how to finish that sentence, doesn't know what it is that he didn't know. That it would go this way, mostly. That he was this close to fucking everything up. "I'm sorry," he repeats, a little desperately, his hands reaching to settle against Max's sides, touch soft, nervous it won't be welcomed.
There are no answers to the majority of Max's questions. Jamie seems to have no defenses or hesitations regarding the man he was all over on the dance floor. It makes no sense to Max. Didn't Jamie realize what he was doing to Max? Couldn't Jamie see how much Max needed and wanted him, if only for the evening? They didn't even have to have sex. They could have talked, renewed their bond, and taken a long bath together. Max merely needed Jamie without question, with a masterful desperation and longing building in intensity from the beginning of the semester. Max would have managed if tonight hadn't happened, but watching Jamie with another person when they didn't even share their bond...
It was too much. Jamie's pleas fell deaf on Max's ears. He didn't want to be called "baby". He was upset. He wanted to hear his name. He wanted the letters to be clear on Jamie's tongue. Nothing mattered until Jamie finally managed to say "Yours." Max breathed out hotly and pulled himself away from Jamie's mouth. He bit his way lower and pulled at Jamie's neck, sucking up a very visible mark. "mine. I can't believe you let a man put his hands on you like that, and you didn't even tell me you had a night off. I don't even have my mark on you and you. You let him touch you, and you touched him back. How long has it been since we've touched?" He bit out.
The touch from Jamie was needed—it was needed like Max needed to breathe. He lowered his hands and pulled Jamie in closer, wrapping his arms around the other man. "I need you always to remember me."
"I wouldn't forget about you." It's a relief when Max pulls him in. Jamie's arms wind around his waist, taking a steadying breath as he tries to sort through everything Max said, trying to clear his head. He needs air, he needs to sober up -- there's the smallest little tug of that channel of energy inside him opening up, the desperate need to fix this causing his body to try to make up for his current state however it can, for whatever it will do.
"I only didn't tell you cause I didn't know," he adds after a second, trying to shift back through his memory for what happened today. "You already were gone when I found out -- I thought we'd be home tomorrow. But I-- I wanted to see you anyway, that's the only reason why I'm here." It's muddled but earnest, still confused how his intentions could have ended up so misunderstood.
Max feels much the same way. He can't breathe in here. The air is suffocating; all he can see is Jamie draped all over that guy and vice versa. It's still crawling under Max's skin and he wants nothing but to wipe it from his memory. It's like someone sliced open a vein and cut out a part of him. Nothing in his life is more important than Jamie, and his loss of control is a large sign of that. The power won't be back on for a while. Max knows that he fried it and that there will be a large lightning spot on the panel. He's done it before when he lost control of his power, but it's been a long time.
Pulling out of Jamie's hold, he takes his hands and tugs at him. "Let's get out of here. I can't breathe, and I need you to help me. I need us to be together without the world. I need to see you and touch you, and I can't do that here. I need to renew our mark and make you understand my feelings. It's been too long, and I can't feel you either. I hate it. I hate that you let anyone else touch you the way I do." Max could feel his voice's tremor, the moisture spring near his eyes.
Betrayal was the only thing he knew, and this was so close to that. Hadn't he been on a dance floor the last time his lover decided that Max wasn't enough, that he needed to be with more than Max, and that Max couldn't be there with him at the same time? It was the last strand pulled that ended their relationship; the one that showed Max his love was an echo of the real thing. They'd been dancing and laying over another man, similar to Jamie. It had Max twisting Jamie's wrist as he threw open the door to his truck and dropped his touch altogether so Jamie could get inside.
"We'll talk when I can breathe again. I'm so ... I'm feeling too much. I don't know how to even go there yet."
"Okay," he answers softly, guiltily. He doesn't know what else to do but follow along, to agree until he can figure out how to fix his mistakes. None of this is what he expected. If he ever thought Max had a reason to doubt them, he would've done everything he could to change that.
The problem is, Jamie's not good at sitting there quiet. Not with all this tension hanging in the air, the stress bubbling up inside him. He knows he should be, he's fucked himself over by running his mouth before, but he's not. Things don't settle well inside him; that's why he usually needs to move, to get them out, before he can make another mistake.
It doesn't help that he's still fairly drunk, either, makes it even harder to hold his tongue. It's only about five minutes into the ride before he can't help it, words spilling out of him before he can stop himself: "I didn't think--"
He cuts it off there, biting down on his lip, trying not to make it worse. Trying to give Max the time he needs. Mumbles, "m'sorry," instead, staring blankly out the window.
Having meant to idle the truck there in the parking lot to talk, Max didn't realize it was so close to quitting time and when all the patrons started pouring from the bar-- he had no choice but to start it up and head back to their place. He wanted to get everything off his chest right away. He wanted for them to talk. Max already knew the dangers of not communicating, and how that could fuck the world up.
So, when Jamie starts his sentence partly down the road, it yanks him out of his reverie, as painful as it is and turns his attention. "Tell me, tell me what didn't you think? You were laying all over that guy, and he had his hands on you. Didn't you realize that?"
Taking a long deep breath, Max tries to calm himself down enough to accept the apology, but he needs more. There's other words that he needs before I'm sorry. He needs to hear why Jamie did it, and what it meant. Max is feeling heartbroken, and he is aching for his loss. He's missing Jamie's touch, the same touch that Jamie gave to his friends, and nearly everyone else he was with tonight, but not to Max.
There's a moment's pause before he offers, voice quiet and heavy with guilt, "Not really?" He winces a little, because he's pretty sure it sounds like an excuse, but he genuinely means it, and Max probably knows his tells well enough to see that. He might have sort of been aware of it, but in that zone, with the music and the motion -- he doesn't really pay attention to touch unless it's to mark the next move.
A pause, and then he tries, hesitantly, "I don't -- think of it like that when I'm dancing. Not really. It doesn't mean anything when I'm holding some girl up, either." It still feels like an excuse, for all that he means it.
"That's formal dancing; this was you going out one night. You were drinking and all over people. There's a difference. We haven't touched like that apart from sleeping. I haven't touched you in days, and yet some random stranger was touching you and looking at you with hunger. You may not have seen it, but he wanted to take you home, Jamie."
Max's voice lifted at the end. That was the larger part to things. Jamie needed to be aware of his surroundings. He needed to notice when there were other people who wanted him and when they wanted to take him home. He couldn't feel Max. He couldn't feel the jealousy spiking because they hadn't been close enough to take care of their marks, and Jamie didn't wear anything that he could see, which would constantly remind Max.
"I will always take the day off to be with you. I need you, especially if our mark has worn off. You and I need to be able to feel one another. If you want to be in love with me, or to know how I love. This is it. I can't love any other way. I'm sorry. I don't know how. That's how it was with my last partner, the one who left me. He was on a dance floor with someone, and that was it. He told me he needed to be with another person, the one he danced with, and if I wasn't okay with that, it was over. I'm not okay with it."
It's a lot to sort through. Jamie falls quiet again, just taking it in for a minute, fidgeting in his seat. "I didn't know that," he points out softly, apologetic, before falling silent again for a few more minutes. He would've at least tried to be a lot more careful if he had.
"You were already at work when I found out they cancelled class. I wasn't trying to get time away from you. I thought -- it was too late for tonight, but I'd have you all day tomorrow. All night, if I could." Another pause. His thoughts are scattered all over the place, not sure how to reassure Max and trying to hit everything important. "And everyone else, they're just friends. That's all it is. I don't think of them like that. I don't think about anyone but you like that. I didn't notice anything else," he repeats, shaking his head. "Not with that guy, and I should've. I made a mistake. But if I hug my friends, that's just -- that's all it is."
Another pause, a deep breath, but he rambles on before he gives Max a chance to answer. "I know I've been busy. It's always like this. It takes a while to get it all figured out. I didn't know it was going to be this bad." For the two of them, he means. He knows it's bad for his own health, how exhausted he always is, but he can deal with that. He can't deal with it tearing the two of them apart.
Where Max works isn't that far from his apartment, so soon, he's in the parking lot and cutting off the truck. Running his fingers through his longer strands of hair, he tries to calm down. There's the knowledge in the back of his mind that Jamie never meant for any of this to happen. It still hurts, though, that Jamie just didn't think at all about what was happening or think about Max in general. He could have come up and asked when Max's break was or talked softly to him. Instead, his entire focus was on his friends.
Sure, Max was there, but he was an observer. He was a drink pourer. He was the help. He wasn't an active part of anything. Max would have left if Jamie had asked, but Jamie hadn't. It was so hard to see that Jamie didn't realize how much this meant to him. How important time was to Max.
"I know you didn't know. I didn't want to get into all the dirty details of what happened exactly. I never thought I'd encounter anything like it with you." Closing his eyes, Max wants to reach over and make the whole world better, but he's still feeling such mixed-up emotions. "All you had to do was ask. Making assumptions is never good for anyone. Maybe they're friends, but they've gotten more touch tonight than I have, and I can't handle that. I need you. You could have at least let me take you out back for something. I wanted and needed some of what they were getting. "
Finally opening his door, Max closes it behind him and goes to open Jamie's door. He pulls Jamie into his arms and pushes him against the door. Max's hands wander Jamie's body, renewing contact, inviting lines to light up between them. He pushes power into the touch and into and against that little tiny opening of Jamie's that he knows is there. Power should answer power, he surmises; even if that's not how it works, at least Jamie will feel the way electricity crackles softly over his skin. "I don't mind you being busy. I just want to be the priority at the end of your day or when your classes are canceled. There's nothing I won't cancel for you, to be with you. I can't feel you. Do you know how hard that is for me? I feel empty without you. I feel like I need to carve myself into you, and I need you to remember me in a bigger way. I can't stand that another person touched you like that, not knowing you belonged to me."
He slides out when the door opens, something tense in his spine going a little more relaxed when Max pulls him in again. His arms settle around Max's shoulders, leaning back into the door where he's been put, making it easier for Max to touch wherever he wants. Like he's putting himself on offer, his own hand moving to cup the back of Max's neck.
That little push of power is more than enough for Jamie's own to come to the foreground. He's too stressed and too tired already, always just a thin line away from his body trying to make up for his own lack of care. So it doesn't take much before Max will get a response, a pulling at his energy, almost greedy with how hard the tug is in return. Jamie doesn't quite notice, still drunk and still focused on trying to fix what he did wrong; but he does notice the electricity that runs over him, shivering a little even as something like relief crosses his face. Fuck, but he's missed that more than he realized.
"You are my priority. I wanted you so bad, that's the whole reason I was there. I didn't want to interrupt your whole life but I thought I could at least see you." He squeezes the back of Max's neck gently, leaning in carefully to rest his forehead against the other's for a moment. "You're everything to me, everything. I didn't think, I'm--" Not that smart, is what he wants to say, but it feels like asking for reassurance, so he backtracks, swallowing. "I made a mistake, a big mistake. But I'm yours, I'm all yours. Only yours. I don't want anyone else, not like I want you."
Some parts of Max may obsess over this and watch Jamie closer in the future, but he's not cruel. He's desperately, intensely, overwhelmingly, almost selfishly in love. He knows it's unfair to hold Jamie to the standards his brain and heart set based on previous relationships, but they are still learning one another. How can Max understand what it means for Jamie to be in a friendship? Every part of him is aching to tell Jamie that he can't do those things with other people who aren't him. Jamie's body belongs to Max, even in casual touch, especially in the type of intimate touch that man on the dancefloor coveted.
Feeling the answering call and pull of Jamie's power is exactly what Max needs; he feeds it. It doesn't bother him at all to give to the other man the support he needs. Max is so worked up that he's yanking electrical energy from every source around them, and the earth is full of them. It's so tempting to yank off Jamie's shirt and mark him here and now. Instead, Mark listens. He balls up his fist because he understands it and even believes it. It's hard.
Breathing in the same air that Jamie exhales gives Max a small lease on life. They will make it through this. He knows they will, but there needs to be more. Jamie needs a mark that won't fade; perhaps they both do. It takes Max a while to think. "You're also everything to me; that's why it was so hard to see another person with their hands on you like that. Your body is mine. You belong to me. I don't care if you hug and lean on friends, but no person, female or male, should ever put their hands on you in a sexual manner. It's wrong, Jamie. You belong to me. I'm going to find a couple of ways to help you remember. Go to our room and take your shirt off. I'm going to mark you in more ways than one. Myself as well, and then give you something to help you remember, I hope. I love you, fuck, I fucking love you, Jamie. Always remember that everything is because I love you in a way I've never loved another person."
"I love you," Jamie echoes, voice soft, still heavy with guilt. A little bit of nerves shoots through him, but he nods at the instruction anyway, unhesitating. It's not really anything to do with Max, anyway. Childish and stupid as it feels, he doesn't like when people are mad at him -- it leaves him waiting for them to lash out, in one way or another. But he doesn't genuinely think Max would do anything to intentionally harm him, even if he is upset.
And fuck, even if he did, it's not like Jamie didn't bring it on himself this time. The last thing he's ever wanted to do in his life is hurt Max. The fact that he didn't even realize what he was doing -- god, he's just lucky he's not being kicked out and left alone.
He leans there for another few moments, just lingering before he starts for the door of the building, glancing back to see if Max is following. He'll offer his hand if he is, but he won't push it if he's refused, either. Speaking doesn't feel like it will do any good -- he'll probably just find another way to dig himself in deeper. So he's silent on the way up to the apartment, letting himself in and only pausing for a second to kick off his shoes at the door before heading for the bedroom.
There's no bravado in him when Max enters, no flirting or playfully showing off the way there might be on a day all this didn't blow up between them. Jamie's just settled, shirtless and cross-legged in the middle of the bed, hands folded together in his lap. Waiting.
It took Max a little while to find exactly what he'd gone looking for. They weren't things that he had planned on bringing into their relationship this early, but his heart was still feeling like it was held within some invisible vice grip. The intelligent part of Max's head told him that Jamie was loyal, and that was what Max needed in part, but he also needed more assurance. He wanted Jamie to remember who they were to one another on all levels. There needed to be a guide, and Max would don equal parts of this because he wanted Jamie to know that he was completely in every bit as much.
Max entered their bedroom wearing nothing but a black and red robe. He carried with him two boxes. One was slightly longer than the other. The other thing he needed was already in their bedroom closet-- if they decided to use it. Taking a deep breath, he moved to where Jamie sat and settled beside him, before doing anything else. Max pulled Jamie into his arms and held him tight, impossibly tight.
"I'm sorry for reacting so harshly. I was scared. I'm still a little scared, but that's fear from my past trying to control my present. I have ways to help it, but I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with them. I want you to know that I love you regardless, and without conditions. You are my heart and my soul, Jamie. I need you more than I need to breathe."
While he said this, Max slipped his hand over Jamie's heart and pressed his hand tightly to it. His fingers began to glow, and Max pressed in tightly. By the time Max said his piece, their bond had been replaced. Jamie could feel everything that Max was going through-- the indecision, the pure, unadultered fear, and the pain at the thought of losing the one person he loved more than any other. In the same way, but in a slightly muted fashion, Max could feel Jamie's confusion, his desperate need to solve this, and not disappoint Max. Also, the love-- there was so much love between them both. It was indescribable to any person that couldn't feel it.
Sucking in a deep breathe, Max laid his head to Jamie's shoulder and tried not to let his emotions get the best of him, now that he could feel exactly what Jamie did. There was nothing to be afraid of. He was so stupid to be so upset, but his massive insecurity was such a burden. "I'm sorry. I love you so fucking much. " He whispered.
It's a relief when the first thing Max does is pull him in. Makes him feel less like he broke something irreparable, even if Jamie's guilt does flare again when the bond is settled between them, feeling Max's fear for himself. He wants to make Max happy more than he wants anything else in the world. This is never how Jamie wanted him to feel, not when they're together.
"Don't apologize." It's almost pleading, his voice soft. He presses a kiss to Max's temple, running a hand down his back, one arm still tight around him. "I should've known. I never want to hurt you. Not ever, not even for a minute." Even if Max wasn't tapped into his emotions, the earnestness would make it clear how much Jamie means it, his expression open and genuine. "I love you. I don't know what I'd do without you, I'm-- I don't want to give you any reason to think twice about that."
His emotions are a chaotic jumble, worry and guilt, adoration, but that determination to make it right is just growing. (Underneath it all, there's the exhaustion and fear that's basically always present right now, directed entirely inward, maybe going a little ways to explaining why he jumped so hard on the chance to block everything out for a little while.)
"I never want to make you feel that way again," he adds quietly, pressing another kiss into Max's hair. "If there's any way to help that -- of course I want it." It should probably matter what Max is talking about, but it doesn't. Jamie loves him enough that there's pretty much nothing he'd refuse Max, no matter what.
It's hard to keep any sort of upset running in Jamie's direction when he feels all that complete adoration and the onslaught of guilt that he knows that Max is responsible for. This is why their bond is so incredibly important; it does away with emotions like this. It doesn't leave room for them when their love is the way it is. Max still fears that he loves far too much, and that it's a part of the reason why this entire episode happened in the first place. Maybe his little fixes are too much as well.
The thing is, he'll never know until he asks. Closing his eyes, he tries to work up the nerve to speak and to come to terms with what he was more sure of only moments ago. It's like so much of his ire was defeated the moment they were bonded again. He knows that Jamie wants to make up for it, but does there need to be anything that Jamie should do? Well, maybe.
Max looks at the boxes. "I was thinking that we could mark each other, brand one another, either with my knife or a laser along the collarbone. I would put an infinity mark on you, done up with my alien symbol. You know the one I have on my shoulder. You can put your mark on me, wherever you wish and it can be whatever you want. I would also like you to wear a day collar for me. It's a special necklace that says that you're mine and that I will take care of you, love you and be yours for all time. It will make sure that everyone who sees you knows you're taken. I'm sure there are those who don't know what it means, but it is very specific. Maybe this way random strangers won't put their hands on what is mine."
He's quiet for a minute, considering, but Jamie's an open book no matter what -- between his face and the bond, everything he feels is on display. There's some nerves, maybe even a little fear, too. But also curiosity, and the hope that it will help. And desire, enough that it comes as a surprise. There's no such thing as enough connection for him, not really. The bond is great, but it does fade, as if today wasn't evidence enough for that. For there to be something permanent....
He's pretty sure he's not supposed to feel like he wants that so much it makes him dizzy, that most people don't need or want that kind of reassurance. But he does.
"Okay." He should ask to see the necklace first, he should probably ask about other things before agreeing. Jamie can't really think of most of them right now, his voice a little breathless. It's not really for him, it's for Max, and for Max's peace of mind, but that doesn't change the fact that he does want it, so much he can't really think of anything else. "Like I said. Anything that will help, I want to do it."
Jamie isn't the only one wearing nerves, nor is he the only one who probably wants this more than he should. Max had the collar already, and had been wondering how he would bring it up and if he should ever bring it up. It was an idea he wasn't sure they'd ever need, but now more than ever he's certain of his desires. There's tension in his shoulders when he opens the box. Inside there are two circles one is the necklace, and the other is an exact duplicate, but it's smaller. It's a bracelet that Max will wear to show his corresponding dedication to Jamie.
At the back of each is a little chain with a lock, and Max undoes the locks so that they can put them both on. "Are you sure that you're alright with this? I want you to understand a part of what this means. This is a promise collar, a starting one to ensure we can work like this. I promise to always take care of you, to treat you with the respect you deserve, to praise you, and support you. I want you to stay beside me and I give myself to you fully. As I put this around your neck, I am doing so because I am showing you that I intend to be with you and show the world I'm with you. You are mine, Jamie, and I am yours. I don't want anyone else to touch you or be near you in any sexual manner, and I will never, ever allow anyone to touch me in the same way. That includes on the dance floor, or behind my bar. They can touch sides, hips, shoulders, but not your ass, thighs or between them. I know we flirt and sometimes have to, but this means we belong to one another only. You are mine and mine alone, and I belong to you and you alone.."
Max takes the bracelet and slips it around his wrist. "This is a symbol of my intention to always take care of you no matter what, in every capacity that I can, sexually, physically, and spiritually. I will provide the energy you need when you're drained, and will heal you when you're broken. I will never abandon you. I will be with you forever if you'll have me. I swear it." Holding his wrist up, he gives Jamie the key to lock the bracelet around his wrist.
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carisma_sensei
How they started, Thread Tracking.
Date: 2025-02-02 09:19 pm (UTC)○ Max & Jamie 11/19/24 Max telling Jamie he's an alien.
continued here
○ Max & Jamie 12/11/24 Missed texts, Jamie and Max talking about how much they love one another.
continued here where Max marks Jamie, and they make love the first time marked. Super intense.
○ Max & Jamie 12/13/24 TFLN Jamie hurt his hand, Jamie's powers flare. Cuddling.
continued here
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Date: 2025-02-20 04:42 pm (UTC)It will settle eventually -- it always settles eventually. It's just taking a while this time.
Finally, finally, the stars align on a weekday night to give him the next day off. No work; first class cancelled; second class doing something he understands enough that he feels like he can afford to skip it. Max is supposed to work both nights, and that's a bummer, but at least Jamie will be home for the day instead of dragging himself back in with barely any time before Max has to leave. It'll give them a little time, at least.
The fact that Max is working is the main reason Jamie agrees to going out for the night. Talking his friends into going to the bar where his boyfriend works seems like a great idea when it comes to him. He can at least see Max, he can blow off some steam, and he can get some time out with his friends, all at once. So he doesn't even bother asking first, just turns up with a little knot of people he knows from dance classes, flirting more and more shamelessly across the bar as he drinks steadily through the night. He doesn't consider the fact that he also tends to get touchier with his friends the more he drinks. It's never intended as anything but friendly, but the drunker he gets, the more playful touches and nudges turn into an arm around people's shoulders, dragging them into hugs or leaning lazily on them. Or pulling people out to dance. There's a lot of that; mostly it's upbeat, though, especially early in the night, fast and silly and not all that intimate.
He's still not really thinking about it when one of the guys pulls him out onto the floor for something slower. For all that dancing means to him in general, it has nothing to do with romance or sex. Getting close is part of the process sometimes, but it's not Max, so it doesn't mean anything. He's only barely aware of just how much his friend's hands are all over him anyway, hazy from the drinks and the feeling of finally relaxing after the last couple weeks on the go. It's too familiar to think twice about; he's used to being touched a lot when he's in this kind of mood, and not so used to having to worry about how anyone else feels about it.]
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Date: 2025-02-23 01:16 am (UTC)There are plenty of times Max forgoes sleeping so he can lay there and watch over Jamie. All he needs is that time to ground himself and to spend with the love of his life. If he didn't have it and didn't know that Jamie really loved him, it would be difficult for Max to function. Being this in love drains him; the energy he relies on takes a beating somehow when there's no time for Max and Jamie to be one with each other-- or renew the mark they share.
If Max had known that Jamie had the night off from school, he would have taken it off so they could have spent it together. To say that he was surprised was an understatement. He was surprised, hurt, upset and angry. His temper starts when he watches Jamie come into the club with a group of friends. Max throws a towel over his shoulder at the sink and that escalates into him breaking an empty beer bottle without actually throwing it. Luckily, there's no one around to see that it moved with his mind and not his hands. Swinging into the back, Max downs an entire bottle of nail polish remover to try and dull the pain in his body, the ache of not being near Jamie, and the sharp pain tugging at his emotions while he watches Jamie play and have fun without him.
Every time Jamie comes to the bar, Max forces a smile. This could have been their night. They could have renewed their bond; instead, Jamie has no idea how angry and jealous Max already is. He huffs out a breath of power, and one of the lights in the back of the bar snaps. Max hollars at one of the other bartenders about something and returns to fix it. It keeps him from seeing how Jamie's hands move over another man's back or how he laughs a little too freely at a joke.
There's a pain that slices through Max. He knew that this relationship was too good to be true. Jamie was far too good to be true. Looking at him on the dance floor or drinking with his friends makes Max wonder what he doesn't have or why Jamie wanted to move in with him. Why did Jamie promise so much? Max manages to keep it together, however, until Jamie is pulled to the dance floor for a slow dance, and the male out there begins to slide his fingers along Jamie's back and then down, down, down to his ass. Lights begin to flicker and Max tells his boss he's done for the night.
No. No. That's not how it's supposed to be. That is not what they promised. Max knows it's not and he's determined to fight for what is his.
Slamming out to the dance floor, Max stands at the edge of it and yells. "Jamie. Jamie, can you even hear me? What the fuck? Do you want him? Is that it? Then take him off this floor and go fuck him somewhere else." The lights suddenly go out in a sharp crack, and Max moves to the floor, still able to see Jamie from the crack of lightning that starts through the sky. He grips Jamie. "Tell me, lover. Why did you even come here tonight? Did you come here to throw this in my face that you have all this, all these friends, and that I don't mean anything anymore? Is that why you came? Fuck this. You are mine. Do you not remember that? Mine. Jamie. MINE. Your wore my mark, and loved it. You let me fuck you and loved it. Tonight I will remind you of all that"
His words reverberate around the bar, and before Max realizes it, he's got Jamie by the hands and is yanking him away from the dance floor toward a wall in the bar and slamming him against it. Max's fingers make sure Jamie's head doesn't hit hard, but it doesn't stop his mouth from biting into a fracturing kiss, hard and punishing. It cuts Max's lip and Jamie's with how hard it is. Copper quickly pours into the space between their lips and gums. "Mine.." He growls out again. "Say it. I want to hear the words, Jamie."
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Date: 2025-02-23 02:18 am (UTC)"Baby, baby, what--" It's quiet, mumbled as Max reaches out to grab him. There's chaos when the lights go dark, but Jamie's barely paying attention, his hands out, placating, trying to piece everything together.
He doesn't make any attempt to fight Max's hold, even when his back hits the wall hard enough to cause an involuntary noise or when he tastes blood. He just slumps down slightly against the wall so that he's not standing taller than Max, an instinctive attempt to pacify him, to make it clear he's not trying to be a threat.
"Yours," he answers quickly, breathlessly. There's a bright thread of fear thrumming through him, making it hard to catch his breath; not of Max, but of the things he's saying, of the fact that he managed to set this off. "Of course I'm all yours. I don't want anybody else, please, Max. I'm sorry, I didn't know--" He breaks off because he doesn't actually know how to finish that sentence, doesn't know what it is that he didn't know. That it would go this way, mostly. That he was this close to fucking everything up. "I'm sorry," he repeats, a little desperately, his hands reaching to settle against Max's sides, touch soft, nervous it won't be welcomed.
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Date: 2025-02-23 02:48 am (UTC)It was too much. Jamie's pleas fell deaf on Max's ears. He didn't want to be called "baby". He was upset. He wanted to hear his name. He wanted the letters to be clear on Jamie's tongue. Nothing mattered until Jamie finally managed to say "Yours." Max breathed out hotly and pulled himself away from Jamie's mouth. He bit his way lower and pulled at Jamie's neck, sucking up a very visible mark. "mine. I can't believe you let a man put his hands on you like that, and you didn't even tell me you had a night off. I don't even have my mark on you and you. You let him touch you, and you touched him back. How long has it been since we've touched?" He bit out.
The touch from Jamie was needed—it was needed like Max needed to breathe. He lowered his hands and pulled Jamie in closer, wrapping his arms around the other man. "I need you always to remember me."
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Date: 2025-02-23 03:11 am (UTC)"I only didn't tell you cause I didn't know," he adds after a second, trying to shift back through his memory for what happened today. "You already were gone when I found out -- I thought we'd be home tomorrow. But I-- I wanted to see you anyway, that's the only reason why I'm here." It's muddled but earnest, still confused how his intentions could have ended up so misunderstood.
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Date: 2025-02-23 07:20 pm (UTC)Pulling out of Jamie's hold, he takes his hands and tugs at him. "Let's get out of here. I can't breathe, and I need you to help me. I need us to be together without the world. I need to see you and touch you, and I can't do that here. I need to renew our mark and make you understand my feelings. It's been too long, and I can't feel you either. I hate it. I hate that you let anyone else touch you the way I do." Max could feel his voice's tremor, the moisture spring near his eyes.
Betrayal was the only thing he knew, and this was so close to that. Hadn't he been on a dance floor the last time his lover decided that Max wasn't enough, that he needed to be with more than Max, and that Max couldn't be there with him at the same time? It was the last strand pulled that ended their relationship; the one that showed Max his love was an echo of the real thing. They'd been dancing and laying over another man, similar to Jamie. It had Max twisting Jamie's wrist as he threw open the door to his truck and dropped his touch altogether so Jamie could get inside.
"We'll talk when I can breathe again. I'm so ... I'm feeling too much. I don't know how to even go there yet."
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Date: 2025-02-23 10:14 pm (UTC)The problem is, Jamie's not good at sitting there quiet. Not with all this tension hanging in the air, the stress bubbling up inside him. He knows he should be, he's fucked himself over by running his mouth before, but he's not. Things don't settle well inside him; that's why he usually needs to move, to get them out, before he can make another mistake.
It doesn't help that he's still fairly drunk, either, makes it even harder to hold his tongue. It's only about five minutes into the ride before he can't help it, words spilling out of him before he can stop himself: "I didn't think--"
He cuts it off there, biting down on his lip, trying not to make it worse. Trying to give Max the time he needs. Mumbles, "m'sorry," instead, staring blankly out the window.
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Date: 2025-02-24 07:45 pm (UTC)So, when Jamie starts his sentence partly down the road, it yanks him out of his reverie, as painful as it is and turns his attention. "Tell me, tell me what didn't you think? You were laying all over that guy, and he had his hands on you. Didn't you realize that?"
Taking a long deep breath, Max tries to calm himself down enough to accept the apology, but he needs more. There's other words that he needs before I'm sorry. He needs to hear why Jamie did it, and what it meant. Max is feeling heartbroken, and he is aching for his loss. He's missing Jamie's touch, the same touch that Jamie gave to his friends, and nearly everyone else he was with tonight, but not to Max.
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Date: 2025-02-24 07:59 pm (UTC)A pause, and then he tries, hesitantly, "I don't -- think of it like that when I'm dancing. Not really. It doesn't mean anything when I'm holding some girl up, either." It still feels like an excuse, for all that he means it.
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Date: 2025-02-24 09:47 pm (UTC)Max's voice lifted at the end. That was the larger part to things. Jamie needed to be aware of his surroundings. He needed to notice when there were other people who wanted him and when they wanted to take him home. He couldn't feel Max. He couldn't feel the jealousy spiking because they hadn't been close enough to take care of their marks, and Jamie didn't wear anything that he could see, which would constantly remind Max.
"I will always take the day off to be with you. I need you, especially if our mark has worn off. You and I need to be able to feel one another. If you want to be in love with me, or to know how I love. This is it. I can't love any other way. I'm sorry. I don't know how. That's how it was with my last partner, the one who left me. He was on a dance floor with someone, and that was it. He told me he needed to be with another person, the one he danced with, and if I wasn't okay with that, it was over. I'm not okay with it."
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Date: 2025-02-24 10:00 pm (UTC)"You were already at work when I found out they cancelled class. I wasn't trying to get time away from you. I thought -- it was too late for tonight, but I'd have you all day tomorrow. All night, if I could." Another pause. His thoughts are scattered all over the place, not sure how to reassure Max and trying to hit everything important. "And everyone else, they're just friends. That's all it is. I don't think of them like that. I don't think about anyone but you like that. I didn't notice anything else," he repeats, shaking his head. "Not with that guy, and I should've. I made a mistake. But if I hug my friends, that's just -- that's all it is."
Another pause, a deep breath, but he rambles on before he gives Max a chance to answer. "I know I've been busy. It's always like this. It takes a while to get it all figured out. I didn't know it was going to be this bad." For the two of them, he means. He knows it's bad for his own health, how exhausted he always is, but he can deal with that. He can't deal with it tearing the two of them apart.
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Date: 2025-02-25 03:29 pm (UTC)Sure, Max was there, but he was an observer. He was a drink pourer. He was the help. He wasn't an active part of anything. Max would have left if Jamie had asked, but Jamie hadn't. It was so hard to see that Jamie didn't realize how much this meant to him. How important time was to Max.
"I know you didn't know. I didn't want to get into all the dirty details of what happened exactly. I never thought I'd encounter anything like it with you." Closing his eyes, Max wants to reach over and make the whole world better, but he's still feeling such mixed-up emotions. "All you had to do was ask. Making assumptions is never good for anyone. Maybe they're friends, but they've gotten more touch tonight than I have, and I can't handle that. I need you. You could have at least let me take you out back for something. I wanted and needed some of what they were getting. "
Finally opening his door, Max closes it behind him and goes to open Jamie's door. He pulls Jamie into his arms and pushes him against the door. Max's hands wander Jamie's body, renewing contact, inviting lines to light up between them. He pushes power into the touch and into and against that little tiny opening of Jamie's that he knows is there. Power should answer power, he surmises; even if that's not how it works, at least Jamie will feel the way electricity crackles softly over his skin. "I don't mind you being busy. I just want to be the priority at the end of your day or when your classes are canceled. There's nothing I won't cancel for you, to be with you. I can't feel you. Do you know how hard that is for me? I feel empty without you. I feel like I need to carve myself into you, and I need you to remember me in a bigger way. I can't stand that another person touched you like that, not knowing you belonged to me."
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Date: 2025-02-25 09:08 pm (UTC)That little push of power is more than enough for Jamie's own to come to the foreground. He's too stressed and too tired already, always just a thin line away from his body trying to make up for his own lack of care. So it doesn't take much before Max will get a response, a pulling at his energy, almost greedy with how hard the tug is in return. Jamie doesn't quite notice, still drunk and still focused on trying to fix what he did wrong; but he does notice the electricity that runs over him, shivering a little even as something like relief crosses his face. Fuck, but he's missed that more than he realized.
"You are my priority. I wanted you so bad, that's the whole reason I was there. I didn't want to interrupt your whole life but I thought I could at least see you." He squeezes the back of Max's neck gently, leaning in carefully to rest his forehead against the other's for a moment. "You're everything to me, everything. I didn't think, I'm--" Not that smart, is what he wants to say, but it feels like asking for reassurance, so he backtracks, swallowing. "I made a mistake, a big mistake. But I'm yours, I'm all yours. Only yours. I don't want anyone else, not like I want you."
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Date: 2025-02-26 09:56 pm (UTC)Feeling the answering call and pull of Jamie's power is exactly what Max needs; he feeds it. It doesn't bother him at all to give to the other man the support he needs. Max is so worked up that he's yanking electrical energy from every source around them, and the earth is full of them. It's so tempting to yank off Jamie's shirt and mark him here and now. Instead, Mark listens. He balls up his fist because he understands it and even believes it. It's hard.
Breathing in the same air that Jamie exhales gives Max a small lease on life. They will make it through this. He knows they will, but there needs to be more. Jamie needs a mark that won't fade; perhaps they both do. It takes Max a while to think. "You're also everything to me; that's why it was so hard to see another person with their hands on you like that. Your body is mine. You belong to me. I don't care if you hug and lean on friends, but no person, female or male, should ever put their hands on you in a sexual manner. It's wrong, Jamie. You belong to me. I'm going to find a couple of ways to help you remember. Go to our room and take your shirt off. I'm going to mark you in more ways than one. Myself as well, and then give you something to help you remember, I hope. I love you, fuck, I fucking love you, Jamie. Always remember that everything is because I love you in a way I've never loved another person."
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Date: 2025-02-26 10:37 pm (UTC)And fuck, even if he did, it's not like Jamie didn't bring it on himself this time. The last thing he's ever wanted to do in his life is hurt Max. The fact that he didn't even realize what he was doing -- god, he's just lucky he's not being kicked out and left alone.
He leans there for another few moments, just lingering before he starts for the door of the building, glancing back to see if Max is following. He'll offer his hand if he is, but he won't push it if he's refused, either. Speaking doesn't feel like it will do any good -- he'll probably just find another way to dig himself in deeper. So he's silent on the way up to the apartment, letting himself in and only pausing for a second to kick off his shoes at the door before heading for the bedroom.
There's no bravado in him when Max enters, no flirting or playfully showing off the way there might be on a day all this didn't blow up between them. Jamie's just settled, shirtless and cross-legged in the middle of the bed, hands folded together in his lap. Waiting.
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Date: 2025-02-27 09:08 pm (UTC)Max entered their bedroom wearing nothing but a black and red robe. He carried with him two boxes. One was slightly longer than the other. The other thing he needed was already in their bedroom closet-- if they decided to use it. Taking a deep breath, he moved to where Jamie sat and settled beside him, before doing anything else. Max pulled Jamie into his arms and held him tight, impossibly tight.
"I'm sorry for reacting so harshly. I was scared. I'm still a little scared, but that's fear from my past trying to control my present. I have ways to help it, but I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with them. I want you to know that I love you regardless, and without conditions. You are my heart and my soul, Jamie. I need you more than I need to breathe."
While he said this, Max slipped his hand over Jamie's heart and pressed his hand tightly to it. His fingers began to glow, and Max pressed in tightly. By the time Max said his piece, their bond had been replaced. Jamie could feel everything that Max was going through-- the indecision, the pure, unadultered fear, and the pain at the thought of losing the one person he loved more than any other. In the same way, but in a slightly muted fashion, Max could feel Jamie's confusion, his desperate need to solve this, and not disappoint Max. Also, the love-- there was so much love between them both. It was indescribable to any person that couldn't feel it.
Sucking in a deep breathe, Max laid his head to Jamie's shoulder and tried not to let his emotions get the best of him, now that he could feel exactly what Jamie did. There was nothing to be afraid of. He was so stupid to be so upset, but his massive insecurity was such a burden. "I'm sorry. I love you so fucking much. " He whispered.
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Date: 2025-02-27 10:07 pm (UTC)"Don't apologize." It's almost pleading, his voice soft. He presses a kiss to Max's temple, running a hand down his back, one arm still tight around him. "I should've known. I never want to hurt you. Not ever, not even for a minute." Even if Max wasn't tapped into his emotions, the earnestness would make it clear how much Jamie means it, his expression open and genuine. "I love you. I don't know what I'd do without you, I'm-- I don't want to give you any reason to think twice about that."
His emotions are a chaotic jumble, worry and guilt, adoration, but that determination to make it right is just growing. (Underneath it all, there's the exhaustion and fear that's basically always present right now, directed entirely inward, maybe going a little ways to explaining why he jumped so hard on the chance to block everything out for a little while.)
"I never want to make you feel that way again," he adds quietly, pressing another kiss into Max's hair. "If there's any way to help that -- of course I want it." It should probably matter what Max is talking about, but it doesn't. Jamie loves him enough that there's pretty much nothing he'd refuse Max, no matter what.
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Date: 2025-03-01 01:06 am (UTC)The thing is, he'll never know until he asks. Closing his eyes, he tries to work up the nerve to speak and to come to terms with what he was more sure of only moments ago. It's like so much of his ire was defeated the moment they were bonded again. He knows that Jamie wants to make up for it, but does there need to be anything that Jamie should do? Well, maybe.
Max looks at the boxes. "I was thinking that we could mark each other, brand one another, either with my knife or a laser along the collarbone. I would put an infinity mark on you, done up with my alien symbol. You know the one I have on my shoulder. You can put your mark on me, wherever you wish and it can be whatever you want. I would also like you to wear a day collar for me. It's a special necklace that says that you're mine and that I will take care of you, love you and be yours for all time. It will make sure that everyone who sees you knows you're taken. I'm sure there are those who don't know what it means, but it is very specific. Maybe this way random strangers won't put their hands on what is mine."
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Date: 2025-03-01 09:07 am (UTC)He's pretty sure he's not supposed to feel like he wants that so much it makes him dizzy, that most people don't need or want that kind of reassurance. But he does.
"Okay." He should ask to see the necklace first, he should probably ask about other things before agreeing. Jamie can't really think of most of them right now, his voice a little breathless. It's not really for him, it's for Max, and for Max's peace of mind, but that doesn't change the fact that he does want it, so much he can't really think of anything else. "Like I said. Anything that will help, I want to do it."
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Date: 2025-03-05 03:36 pm (UTC)At the back of each is a little chain with a lock, and Max undoes the locks so that they can put them both on. "Are you sure that you're alright with this? I want you to understand a part of what this means. This is a promise collar, a starting one to ensure we can work like this. I promise to always take care of you, to treat you with the respect you deserve, to praise you, and support you. I want you to stay beside me and I give myself to you fully. As I put this around your neck, I am doing so because I am showing you that I intend to be with you and show the world I'm with you. You are mine, Jamie, and I am yours. I don't want anyone else to touch you or be near you in any sexual manner, and I will never, ever allow anyone to touch me in the same way. That includes on the dance floor, or behind my bar. They can touch sides, hips, shoulders, but not your ass, thighs or between them. I know we flirt and sometimes have to, but this means we belong to one another only. You are mine and mine alone, and I belong to you and you alone.."
Max takes the bracelet and slips it around his wrist. "This is a symbol of my intention to always take care of you no matter what, in every capacity that I can, sexually, physically, and spiritually. I will provide the energy you need when you're drained, and will heal you when you're broken. I will never abandon you. I will be with you forever if you'll have me. I swear it." Holding his wrist up, he gives Jamie the key to lock the bracelet around his wrist.